Well, glad THAT hospital stay is over. Although they let me free of the IV more than the 1st stay. So i pretty much forgot about this thing til someone said something about theirs. Today was the school christmas party. So we didn't do any work...well aaron and i didn't although I'm sure we needed to more than anyone else. Haha, instead before the party started we went all around here lookin for the book NEW MOON for him to start reading. He's gotten into these books now. It's so funny-he used to HATE reading. He said that they were going to put out a new book next year..so i'm assuming that it'll be Midnight Sun-I hope, my fingures are indeed crossed. Ok, well i'm gonna head over to myspace or something. As you can tell my life is rather uneventful HAHAHAHA! Actually more like i don't feel like typin out the drama that's made life a livin hell hole. So bye for now....o yea, i should probably work on that play list i mentioned last posting...lol.

~CMT

So here i sit in the hospital, it's boring and very quiet. I'm trying to explain the whole thing of twitter and the texting twitter and stuff...i dont think he really gets it haha. O well. He was nice enough to come up here and bring his laptop for me to use so I figured i might as well update this, it's been so long since i've been on here! My gosh. I should consider finding a new ayout and a new header. Let's see, o and music would liven this poor dull page up a little bit i'm sure. Man alive, i got some work to do on this poor forgotten page. I should probably redo my myspace page as well. I'm trying to find the song by coldplay, it's really cool it's called Viva La Vida. It's kinda long, but i like it's good. One of the few slower songs i like. Not heavy guitar or drum beats in it, shockingly enough. Mostly violins and something else i think a keyboard with a different sound to it. It's got pretty music and the lyrics are good too-they played it on Star 93.5 the Christian station but somehow i'm really not sure that it is Christian. O well, it's still a cool song. I wanna make a playlist just for this blog thingy, that'd kill plenty of time i'm sure.
I miss everyone so much from school!! I'm ready to go back. I wanna go home, this place is so boring. This floor is so much more quieter than the last floor i was on!! By 11:30pm everything is DEAD quiet, i'm pretty sure a graveyard has more comotion than this floor. The silence is enough to drive one mad-u'd think that everyone on this floor has kicked off-not even their IV's go off-mine is the only one that does and it's embarrassing cuz unlike the last one i had, it gets louder and louder as it goes ignored. It sucks. O well. The nurses here are so sweet-well most of them, specially the night shift ones. Haha, the one i have tonight is older, but funny and sweet. Talk-a-tive too. That's fine, kept me company when she'd come in. Normally i stay alone, but dad decided to come up here for a little while. I'm not sure if he's staying the night or not. He's letting me borrow his lap-top, i think i've already said this. I dont remember. But anyway, i'm here cuz i have incephilitis. I've had it since beggining of September, and finally i got so dizzy, and couldn't breath when i just doze off, that mom and dad took me to the ER, and they diagnosed me. So i was there for a week, then the dr. sent me home with home health care and now a week later i'm back and nothing's improved. My MRI of my brain looks exactly the same as when i was 1st admitted. I had a spinal tap done the night i was admitted too-he said it was VERY odd cuz i had red blood cells but not white he said if there's red, there's usually always white too. But he had another spinal tap done today-the red blood cell count is EXACTLY the same as before. He said it's not bad-becuase that means i'm not getting worse, however it's not good cuz i'm not improving. So idk...but the neurologist (brain doctor, in case i didn't spell that right) decided to put me on steroids for 5 days. Day one has come and gone so 4 days left YAHOO -.- and i'm on some vitamin to help build my immune system, plus the antibiotic to help my brain. Although i don't think it's really doing anything. O well, they can only try, right? Hmmm, this place is so beyond boring!! I'm ready to go home, sleep in MY bed and eat mom's cooking. Haha, hmm, although i can call Mrs. Cynthia and get the hook up to good cookin around here! I'll give her a call monday-i'll still be here. See if she has anything good cooking that day. Hope so. Tonight i got brave and ordered chicken strips and frenchfries and ice-cream. You can call a number and order something different then what's on the menu. I always feel like a bother when i do stuff like that. O well. Ok, i think this is getting long enough. I have other stuff to tend to! Good night.

~Cortney
~CMT
~Theodore!!! lol.

So my hate for guys has an all new level. It's gone from a regular dislike to an absolute burnning passion of hate for them. I don't care how sweet and nice they seem, they're all the same. Every single one of them! I hate them, all of them....they're not worth a second of anyone's day!!

Hmm..so 4th of July for me and my wonderful family is pretty much lame...it's just like any other day. We don't do anything special or go anywhere or let off fireworks or anything. We just sit at home and do whatever we did the day before. Haha, i'm used to it now, we've been doin like that for 5 years almost. So yea it's pretty great...i suppose. Tomorro we get up and go violin shopping. Yay...except for the early part. I'm not to excited about that part. Hopefully i'll take lessons soon. I wanna be good enough to go to competition this year. seeing as it's my last year to compete. *cries* But if not, o well. I got some bright green fingernail polish today..and orange and black. Yea, it's pretty tight. At least the green is, the black is in the form of a pen & it looks really cool, I haven't put any orange on yet. I'm about to when i go back to my room, after i get the current color off of my toe nails. This next week is going to be quite busy. Monday is violin shopping, Tuesday is an appointment, Wednesday mom has a dr's appointment, Thursday is justin's follow up and my orthodontist appointment, and Friday is the day i head out to grandpa's. I wonder if there's going to be anything to do up there. My parents are trying to talk me into cooking...yea uh NOT going to happen. I'm too scared i'll like set something on fire or ruin something or something. So, no that's really quite more than alright with me. Hopefully it'll be fun. I've never flown by myself before....so that's really exciting. I'm really craving a pepsi right about now....*scurries to fridge for pop*....................*click....sip* Yummy yummy yummy. Lol. Alright, so here's the deal yo....i'm excited about school starting up. I really am! In one month and 3 days i will be starting school *cheers* The sooner i get in the sooner i get out the sooner i'm off to college and out of this state. WAHOO!! Lol. Yea even after 5 years i'm not a fan of where we live..now some people aren't so bad, however it's the other 99% that get on ur nerves. So..with great joy i will be moving out soon...well...sort of sooner. Well..all this is if i graduate...that's going to take plenty of prayer. Good lord, i tried re-piercing my ear yeasterday with a pin. Yea....2 of my cartilage piercings i can't find where the hole used to be so i've got 5 holes poked into one little area and a nice bloody ear to show for it. Way to go Cortney -.- I was able to get one earring in...but i've not given up yet...i'm gonna try again...sometime before i go to grandpa's hopefully. Right now it's sore v.v i suppose that's what i get. But i don't get it, it should still go through i've gone longer than a week and a half without wearing my cartilage and I have always been able to get that pin through so easily..what happened??? I wonder if it wasn't the pool...usually the water helps heal my cuts and stuff...i bet that did it. Man that sucks really bad. O well. Ok well i'm gonna go..buh-bye.

Ok so, yeasterday I was home alone pretty much all day. I loved it! It was so much fun. My parents woke me up before they left. So, after i plopped on the couch for a lil while, i hopped up, and fixed me some breakfast! Yea buddy! lol. All i did was make a fried egg..at least i guess that's what that is, idk, i just saw someone make it on a movie a long time ago..i guess i made it right. *shrugs* I put a little bit of oil in a pan, and just cracked the egg and let it cook...flipped it over and let the yolk get hard in the middle. I also made a slice of toast and fixed a nice hot cup of coffee. It was VERY different, but it was fun. Some things you just can't do every day haha. I had a few chores to do, like sweep and stuff, but that was ok, it kept me busy. I went out for lunch, and while i was out I had to run to Kroger, so it was no big deal. As i've said over and over, it was fun. Watched a little t.v. while i ate lunch..but mostly blasted the stereo as loud as i dared without getting complaints from the neighbours. Yea..and somehow my broom turned into a microphone a few times, and the kitchen a dance floor....and the overhead light was just a spot light, all on ME! haha. Yea...did i mention i had a few more cups of coffee after that one with my breakfast....then an energy drink......and a pop?? Just thought i'd verify i'm not that crazy without a little help. Haha. Naw, it was great. After all that crazyness i was ready for a sit down..i journaled and journaled and jounaled...i haven't journaled in over 2 months-give me a break. Plus that, i like to write in my journal...many random, out of no where thoughts come to me while i'm writing...so the journal page is kinda like my brain...scattered! O well...it's my journal, don't judge-write ur as organized as u'd like..dork. Just kiddin..about the dork part. O yea, and for a while..i sat in absolute silence for a while. I just turned off the cds and sat. The clock was ticking louder than ever...the thoughts raced through my head like the current of the mighty mississippi itself......o SO many thoughts. It was good for me, i suppose,..but it used to be for me to sit in silence, alone with myself and NO ONE at all...it never had a good ending. But this time was different. I mean yea a couple times i wasn't so sure, but hey guess what, i did. 90% of my thoughts weren't harmful ones. But i was mostly thinking of home. I don't know why, but i've been SOOO homesick lately. It made me sick to my stomache one night i was thinking so heavily about it. Becuase of this move, i've lost contact with SO many good friends i had up there. I've kept in really great contact with one...and she's it. Although thanks to facebook i got in touch with one other one, not regularly, but still talk to him here and there...i miss him a lot. I wanna hang out with him soon. He's so funny....he was the genuine class clown of the school..i mean his friend was pretty funny..but let's face it Jason wasn't always all that great, and you didn't ALWAYS laugh at jason, David however..you could always laugh his jokes....and he was just so goofy you couldn't HELP but laugh, and plus David was such a sweety. I might call him up tomorrow or something...sometime soon. Hmmm..i wonder if he's in town in 2 weeks, i wonder if mom would let me kick it with him for a day or a few hours or something. Idk..mom said we need to have him down here....but i doubt that'd happen really. Who knows, maybe it will someday. But yea, that's not the ONLY thing i thought about. I also thought about school. Hopefully i can get done early so i'm not stuck there til 12 the night before graduation haha...that'd really suck for me and poor Mrs Vicki who has to stay with me...i don't think she'd do that though..she would help me as much as possible, but i dont think she'd stay THAT long..i'd cry. I think she'd kill me before i could cry though. haha jk. I also thought about bein' 18....i'm excited, really excited, for it's another mile marker toward adult hood. However...i doubt it will feel any different than being 17. The difference is if i'm 18 i should probably NOT mess around with Timmy....yea not a good idea....yea-no. But hey, that's more than fine cuz umm...that usually gets me in trouble. Cuz a while back..like after kevin broke up with me i pretty much decided that dating is a BIG heck no...so i dont have boyfriends i have "mess around buddies" so..that's pretty much what i've been doin instead of dating. But..it's really NOT good..so i figure just swear off guys period. Saves me trouble, not to mention hastle of remembering who i did what with last week and the week before....and the problem of feeling the a whore the next few weeks...soooo...yea. It's just better all around. Anyway!! Let's see, what else did i do? O yea, i went swimming for a little bit. That was fun..more great thinking time! Yea buddy!! haha, but this was mostly memories rushing through my head....blowing through like Hurricain Katerina herself. Yea..they rushed through pretty powerfully...and they stayed for a while then left some damage to my head..the hit was hard, but the aftermath of the thought was the worst part. But i think it's fixed now...i hope. Time will tell i suppose. That's really it....ok so this is really rather long...sooo.. i'm gonna go off to other sites then head on out cuz no one is online =(

I'm pretty much freezing...yea, i'm freezing in upper 80 some odd º weather. Nice..huh? LOL.So nothing is really going on. I just got back from going to dinner with ali, that was fun. I was watching my little brother today..he's a cutie. I love him to death. His case worker came by today, and said if everything goes according to plan, he will be fully ours by the time he's 18 months. His 1 year birthday is coming up on the 27th. So mom is going to bake him a cake that's shaped like a panda bear. It's gonna be cool lookin'. Man alive, i have frikin' goose bumps and i'm wearing pj pants! Lol..that sucks..o well. Anyway, Dad also wants to get 1 year pictures done for justin. So, yea..it's gonna be a big production haha. He his such a cutie pie! Lol. I hope his biopsey goes ok...i hope there is nothing seriously wrong with him...if he has whatever it is his case worker has, he will have to take pills every 4 hours every day! So..i hope to God he doesn't have that, whatever it is..it's a VERY big 2 words and VERY confusing when u first hear it pronounced. So for my dignity's sake, i wont even try to pronounce it. Haha. I'm ready for school to get back in session. I miss it, maybe not so much the people, but more so i just want to get out already..i'm ready to move away. Although it's kind of grown on me down here, i still dont like it. I'm so homesick, it's crazy! I sat in my room the other day and i was thinkin how would life be diferent if we'd stayed in Missouri...if we never would've moved away. Now i don't know if everything would have always been great.......but i dont know if certain bad things in life would've happened to me either. I dont know if...if i would've had access to certain things i've had access to. I doubt it, because of the company i kept, but then again-who knows. I don't know, all i know is i miss everyone something terrible! I try to keep in touch, but it's so hard!! Specially with some of them, i don't hardly know them anymore so I'm really not sure what to say to them..when i'm NOT talkin' to them a bunch of stuff comes ot mind..however when i do start messaging or whatever, i can't think of a single thing to say. The friends i have down here..they're ok, but i was really thinking, really and very hard about it, and they're not exactly the BEST nor ideal friends. Now Ali, she's pretty good,but most others aren't so much. They're ok, and overall they're just guys being teenage guys &so they're ok and pretty good..but...idk. It's hard to explain. Idk, this summer has given me a lot of time to think and the more i think the more i become determined this place is NOT my home...i dont hate it with the burning passion that i used to, but i definately dont like it. People say i've even picked up a bit of an accent, im certainly not fond of that thought..haha. However I also think..if it wasn't for down here, would i have a friend that is SO close and SO dear to me i consider her a sister? Beyond the status of friend and ranked so highly on my little mind that i call her a twin, even? I really don't think so..in all honesty. I think she would still be the random pass by in the hall of church that you say a quick hello, how are you then along onto the rest of the day i go. However...becuase of homeschooling, we did start to get to be good friends. Cuz she was homeschooled as well, so we would go ice skating together and hung out sometimes....hmm..who knows. o.0

This is wut all the fussin' is 'bout

Ok, so pretty much NO ONE knows this exists yet..cuz i kinda just made it. Im tryin' to figure out what all the fuss is about. Lol, guess i know now, huh? Lol. This seems pretty cool. Ok so, Chris was supposed to visit megan today..i DO hope he kept his promise to her..for once! I know he loves her, like a big brother should and in all the ways he can, but...idk...he could at least stop by or call every once and again. Maybe he'll grow up someday. Haha, doubt it, but it's a wishful thought. Hmm..sometimes i'm glad i dont have a big brother, cuz i'm pretty sure he'd be wanted for murder cuz of some of the things that've happened in the past year...but yet...idk i still wish i had one, i mean i have guy friends who could pass for a big brother the way they take care of me..funny thing is-they're the same ones who've used me so many times....screwed me over and left me when i needed them most and they KNEW it! That's what really gets me-the very ones who look after me down here, are the very ones who hurt me most sometimes. *Shakes head*...i duno 'bout them boys...they're ok for friends, but anything more and i'm pretty sure they're NOT worth time. All they want is one thing, once they get close to it, or if you dont give it to them they leave. Weird, how that works-girl (that's me) has pretty much all guy friends, but girl thinks all guys aren't worth jack crap...hmm...odd. Haha, guess i need to get my head checked. But yet my friends..a couple of them, ok actually one of them more than any of the others, just use me when he needs his "fix" then we dont talk for a while, then one day we're close as friends get then after a while....and i'm the dummy who does it every time. I dont hesitate...and i do it. I dont get hurt cuz i know it's just he needs a girl and i happen to be one and he doesn't want anything like a serisous relationship out of me, i know this so i dont get hurt. But in the back of my mind i wonder...is there just ONE guy who is different?....Sometimes i get to know a guy and i think, "O he might be different" but then we get talkin' naw..he the same as every other guy out there..all he cares about is if the girl has an hour glass figure and a pretty face, and how long til he can get in her little jeans. So..pretty much i dont want a boyfriend-ever, and i'm glad that i'm seen as just "one of us" (the guys...uh only without the dick..haha)